The Day Before Christmas

‘Twas this time last year, when out of the blue,

My family proclaimed, “Merry GREEN Christmas to you!”

I shrugged and smiled mildly, then tossed out my cocoa,

Only to see the whole pack go plum loco!

“What are you doing?” my eight year-old shrieked,

“Are you unaware that cheap oil has peaked!?”

I was drinking from Styrofoam, which I was not aware,

Meant that I was killing the great Polar Bear!

The rest of the family joined into the fight,

Casting each action I took in new light.

“Nice Christmas lights, dad,” snarked my teen son,

“So much for keeping our carbon at one tonne!”

What did he mean, I thought from the lawn,

Where the glow from the house eaves cast a false dawn.

Tired of this grumping, I started the jeep,

Then while it warmed up, headed in for a sleep.

From sugar-plum dreams I was wrenched with a shriek,

Then attacked by my wife, in a grand fit of pique.

“You’re idling!?” she yelled, hands gripping her hair,

“Haven’t you heard idling get you nowhere!?”

I’d had quite enough of this mad pack of loons

So I peeled out the drive and cranked up the tunes.

I sang with great gusto, in harmony with Bing,

And felt holiday cheer return in full swing.

In spite of their Grinching, I’d buy them all gifts

Resisting the urge to toss the lot in snow drifts.

I pulled into the mall, and with a roll of the eyes,

Turned off the engine; SEE, I could compromise!

Safely inside, I grabbed some gifts quick

Then five rolls of wrapping paper—all double thick.

I browsed through the aisles then felt flashes of doubt;

Would my family use this? Would it just get thrown out?

And what about this one…where was it made?

Can I recharge the batteries? Was it made with Fair Trade?

I fell to my knees, reaching out with arms spread,

Screaming, “David Suzuki! Get out of my head!”

Reeling in panic I abandoned my cart,

While curious shoppers watched me depart.

Back home I ran screaming, ripping down holly,

“Protect the environment, this Christmas is folly!”

As I yanked on the garland and kicked over the tree,

My son deftly tackled me, right at the knee.

“Calm down, dad!” he laughed, placing me in a headlock,

“You’re clearly suff’ring from ‘green aftershock’.”

They smiled and explained that I’d acted in haste…

Christmas is great—just minimize the waste!

Give useful gifts, string up new LED’s,

Wrap things in cloth, so you won’t waste the trees!

Forgive a poor guy, for being a bit slow

It just takes me a while to learn what you all know!

I do like the planet, and polar bears too…

It took a wee while, but the message got through!

But this year I’ve done it! Though I thought it unattainable

To green up our Christmas, and make it sustainable!

Just wait till they get here, they’ll raise a great toast,

To my living room Christmas tree made from compost!!

Morgan Peltier